Perspective

The most important thing I've learned since our son was diagnosed with autism at the age of 2 is perspective.
Don't get me wrong, it truly sucks sometimes. I've heard every cliche out there about how 'this is god's plan', or that 'special children are only given to special people' and that 'god only gives you what you can handle'. There is a slight problem with every one of those phrases, for me anyway - I'm atheist. I don't feel this is part of anyone's plan, certainly not mine. I also think for a divine being to punish a child with challenges is nonsense frankly. I think people feel the need to say something, even when there is no need. Anyway, away from the religious discussion...

The thing that has helped me more than anything is getting a sense of perspective.

Our son has challenges, but who doesn't? There are plenty of challenges that typically developing children and adults have and society these days can stress out anyone.

I have friends with children who have much bigger challenges. Some have life-threatening allergies - where something as harmless to most as a peanut can kill them. Some have constant seizures. Some have other disabilities. Some cannot function in a regular classroom. Some can barely attend any form of school. And their parents soldier on with unconditional love for their children and unending hope.

Every time I feel down, that our life is harder than someone else's, I remember a few things. Our life, whilst not easy, is much easier than that lived by many others. I also remember that we live in a social media driven world, where people craft their public image to portray an idyllic family life. It's not always like that in reality and in the same way that magazine covers are photoshopped within an inch of their life, a similar thing happens on Facebook and Instagram. The chances are, those 'perfect' family scenes are often far from, or just represent a snapshot in time and nothing more. No doubt your family, with enough pictures could achieve a similar result, but families with special needs children are usually too busy to be doing with 500 pictures a day.

We are fortunate. Our son has come so far since his diagnosis, which was, to say the least, grim. He is able to communicate. He attends a regular school. He can function in a normal classroom. He has teachers and therapists to support his journey. He makes constant strides. He has friends. He finds joy in life.

One of my friends works in the psychology field and whilst in the UK recently we were talking about her work on gratitude. There have also been several Facebook activities floating around recently where people have to list a few things they are grateful for. There is research to support that this kind of activity can actually help with depression. Isn't that better than an 'upper'? (and cheaper too)

The next time that you're feeling down about your child's condition, think of the things you are grateful for. Sometimes that can be as simple as thinking how much worse a condition can be. The sense of gratitude can be directly linked to your perspective of a situation. If it helps, write it down. Focusing on the positive will help you move away from the negative.