Guilt

It is said that when you've met one child with autism, you've met one child with autism. They are ALL so vastly different in the challenges they face. There is one thing though that is common to almost all of the autism parents I have met. Guilt. We're all wracked by it. 

We all wonder what we could've done differently to have prevented it. Was it our genetics? Was it the fact that we (I) had a terrible Dairy Queen vanilla obsession during pregnancy?

Was it the tylenol I took? Was it the antibiotics? Was it the fact that I bottle-fed? Did I not spend enough time working on our son's development in a quality way? Why did I not see signs earlier?

Even our son's developmental pediatrician took the time to note in his history that I had consumed a glass of red wine in my third trimester (it was New Year's Eve) and had gained what he deemed to be 'excessive weight' in pregnancy. Forget the fact that I gained the same amount of weight as Gwyneth Paltrow had reported. I sincerely doubt he would've had the nerve to tell her that. Or, let's not forget that my OB had no problem with my pregnancy statistics, and I would hazard that they knew more about pregnancy than a developmental pediatrician. I also offer that if I were French, they would have no problem with me consuming a single glass of red wine in 9 months. 

So, it's not just guilt that we create for ourselves, others like to heap it on too. 

Here's my advice. You cannot totally lose the guilt. It never really goes away. You learn to live with it. You trust that you did the best you could and you move forward from this point. 

If your child has a genetic issue, accept that sometimes things just happen. If you think environmental exposure was a contributor, then learn all you can about it and if it's possible to reverse. Put your energy into something constructive. Guilt can paralyze you, don't let it. 

If you're in a relationship, don't blame each other. No-one would intentionally create such a hard life for themselves or their children. You have to be a team. You have to work together. 

If you're having trouble letting go of some of the guilt you carry, find a group of parents who can help you. Autism parents, just like their children, come in all shapes and sizes, political and religious persuasions - there will be some who you click with. Seek out others who understand what you're going through and will want to help you move forward.