Back and forth, back and forth - that's how life has felt for a while, but, just when you feel like you have some stuff figured out, something else rears its head.
Since the summer, we've had a sense of relief. Our son officially lost his autism diagnosis - something we have worked on for over 7 years. We decided though, to start working with a psychologist and therapist to work on some cognitive behavioural things to try and help him get a handle on some remaining issues.
We've known since he was very young that he has attention and hyperactivity issues. He never sits still and has the hardest time paying attention to anything that is not in his sphere of interest.
Putting him in hockey was the best thing we ever did - he loves it and it gives him the most amazing input and discipline - it's honestly the best therapy I can point to.
But - he is struggling in school. He's struggled to learn to read - not helped by his inability to track with his eyes. He's struggled to spell. Struggled to pay attention to classroom instruction. He also struggles with confidence and is starting to show signs of depression because he's acutely aware of how much he's struggling with all the other stuff. And my heart aches so badly for him. He's never had a moment of peace it seems. There is always a problem, always a therapy, always a mountain to climb.
After the worst testing experience a few years ago, I swore off all types of testing - it was that bad. Now though, we know we have to identify the problems he's having, so we are in the middle of the most comprehensive testing we've ever done. It's looking at everything. Attention, visual processing, executive function, anxiety and depression, memory, etc etc. You name it, we're testing around it.
After losing such a major label, I am in no hurry to burden him with any more, but, after losing his IEP this Spring, we needed to figure out if he truly doesn't need it, or, if their testing was just not comprehensive and thorough enough to identify why he is still struggling.
I talked with kiddo the other night and he explained how he's feeling so clearly - and in minecraft terms no less. He explained that it feels like he's in a maze - there are walls everywhere and he can''t find a way around them, nor can he break through them. I explained what the testing we are doing right now is trying to figure out - which walls we can break through, and which ones we are going to have to find a way around, climb over, or literally chip away at, but there might be many walls, or there might be a few, and some may be wood (easy to break through), or some might be obsidian (need to chip away at or go around somehow). He said he would probably need a diamond pickaxe.
Here's the odd thing though. We've never really discussed "autism" with him. We never felt the need to - we just used to put things in terms of challenges - how some things were harder for him, or that he did some things later and we needed to help him fill in those gaps. But - as we were discussing this, he said that he had a diamond pickaxe when he was little, but he thinks he wore it out and it's time to make a new one. Insightful little one.
We know he is going to show attention problems, but the rest is still a mystery right now, although, I would not be a bit surprised if he also identifies as having dyslexia too, at least if the tester's hunch is right after 2/3 of the testing.
Oh that we might figure this out and get him back on the track of control and progress....
And I console myself - at least he's a nice kid, not an arsehole. After all, there's no therapy for that. :)
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