Yes, that has been the big drama of the week. My son didn't make the advanced hockey team he wanted to. Big deal right? #firstworldproblems and all.....
He worked his tail off all summer, I could see the strain on his face as he battled against himself when he couldn't pay attention, or stand still, or show that focus that he needs so badly. He didn't make the team. He's as good as so many other kids who did. Better than others. Yet, he didn't make it.
He was upset. We were upset. I could blame the program for not working on the foundational skills that were some of the reason he came up a little short, but, at the end of the day, my son just doesn't "want" it as badly as the other kids, or rather, he can't keep his squirly self focussed long enough to show others he does. And that is where I feel that he just missed it.
We're trying to focus on the positives of this situation though. Want to hear what great lessons one can learn from not making the team?
- It will help him decide if he wants it enough to keep trying. To keep going, learning, skating. If he wants it, he will develop even more determination. He might even battle and win with his inattention.
- If anyone had told us at the age of 2 when he was diagnosed with classic autism at a moderate to severe level that he would be in with a hope in hell of making an advanced age 8 hockey team, we wouldn't have believed it. He has come SO far. We are incredibly proud, and sometimes when your kid makes so much progress, you can't help glimpse at life as maybe it could be. Those glimpses keep us trucking on.
- He will get to play this season anyway, and even better, with a couple of kids who are his friends from last season. They are fabulous kids who genuinely love him, with parents we like. He will have a blast with them. It will also be a lower pressure environment for him, so that maybe we can nurture that motivation that has been lacking, sadly, I think from the years of ABA he's had.
- We get to not have to play 'Keeping up with the Jones' ' this season, with some of the other hockey parents that are a lot to deal with. They are hardcore. They are intense. They are determined their children will make the NHL, or at the least, they will play college hockey. Come hell or high water. That is a relief for us. We are just not that kind of people. Sometimes I wish we were able to be, but, autism comes into your life and pretty much takes that away. Yes, it makes me sad, but at the same time, achievements that others take for granted - a meaningful conversation, your child finally connecting, those become so clear and grounding. And important. So important.
- We are going to work on his skating skills as a foundation, but in a different environment, where he can learn and progress in a much slower paced setting - more individual, more attention for him.
- We've had our setback. It's OK. We all lived. Now, if he decides he wants to play Squirts (U10) and doesn't make a team, it won't be the end of the world. He will have those tools to accept and try something else, or to try and keep trying until he succeeds, or doesn't and either way, he'll be ok.
Life goes on and it's just a game. And sometimes the lessons you learn from not making the team are as important as the ones you do by doing so. Now he gets to play anyway, for fun. Isn't that the way life should be? Play for the love of the game.
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